Ahh...Home sweet....home? More like, home sweet begeezus, get me the heck out of here!
Last week I ended my two month stint of out-of-the-home work that I do every winter. And by work, I mean part-time fun, because I absolutely love my job and working four hours a day is quite luxurious in my opinion. I am quite fortunate.
But MAN! I take off my hat to all mothers who work outside the home. Having two little humans ages four and under to care for, a house to maintain, bills to pay, birthdays to celebrate, doctors to visit, groceries to buy...these things don't stop when you work. They are just there waiting for you when you get home!
My house has a layer of grime that would probably qualify if for the Guinness Book of World Records most disgustingest habitat. (I even needed to make my own word for you to fully understand just how bad my home's condition has become.)
This last weekend, we had to bring in reinforcements.
While working, not much brain space was left for me to be creative, imaginative, productive...
Writing took a backseat each evening to watching Friday Night Lights (Why did we wait so LONG to begin watching this show? Please tell me, PLEASE? I love you Riggins!) and conducting "research" on writing. Thank goodness for this opportunity for research. I am so grateful to have found these resources, but holy moly... I am so ashamed!
I just finished reading Noah Lukeman's, How to Write a Great Query Letter. In the time it took me to finish the book, I think I managed to create a permanent red mark on my too-big, forehead from all of the Homer Simpson "D'OH!", head slaps I felt compelled to make. Just how many mistakes have I made in submitting query letters? Well, how many query letters have I sent out? About a gazillion.
In the book, there is a checklist at the end entitled, "30 Mistakes to Avoid in Your Query Letter".
I could seriously post it here and retitle that sucker to say, "The 30 Mistakes I Made in EVERY Query Letter I Have EVER Sent".
Now I get it.
So you're not supposed to...
-mention how your kids loved the story and that you are qualified to write because you have spent countless hours as a mother reading books in that genre? (cringe)
-make self deprecating jokes? (double cringe)
-email the agent back making casual conversation after they send you a friendly letter of rejection? (double cringe squared)
Oh man. Growing really does hurt.
I now need to deeply apologize to all the unagented children's literature authors and illustrators in the world....I have a confession to make...
I, Elizabeth Stevens Omlor, am personally responsible (well, most probably) for the closing of submissions for several popular literary agencies, due to my numerous, amateur-status queries submitted on a regular basis over the last seven months! Eeek!
Cue guttural sobs.
Deep breath. Exhalation. Sigh. Relief.
I feel much better after getting that off my chest!
I have nothing else for you other than the promise to do it the right way the next time.