Growing Pains

Ahh...Home sweet....home? More like, home sweet begeezus, get me the heck out of here!

Last week I ended my two month stint of out-of-the-home work that I do every winter. And by work, I mean part-time fun, because I absolutely love my job and working four hours a day is quite luxurious in my opinion. I am quite fortunate.

But MAN! I take off my hat to all mothers who work outside the home. Having two little humans ages four and under to care for, a house to maintain, bills to pay, birthdays to celebrate, doctors to visit, groceries to buy...these things don't stop when you work. They are just there waiting for you when you get home!

My house has a layer of grime that would probably qualify if for the Guinness Book of World Records most disgustingest habitat. (I even needed to make my own word for you to fully understand just how bad my home's condition has become.)

This last weekend, we had to bring in reinforcements.

While working, not much brain space was left for me to be creative, imaginative, productive...

Writing took a backseat each evening to watching Friday Night Lights (Why did we wait so LONG to begin watching this show? Please tell me, PLEASE? I love you Riggins!) and conducting "research" on writing. Thank goodness for this opportunity for research. I am so grateful to have found these resources, but holy moly... I am so ashamed!

I just finished reading Noah Lukeman's, How to Write a Great Query Letter. In the time it took me to finish the book, I think I  managed to create a permanent red mark on my too-big, forehead from all of the Homer Simpson "D'OH!", head slaps I felt compelled to make. Just how many mistakes have I made in submitting query letters? Well, how many query letters have I sent out? About a gazillion.

SO EMBARRASSED.

In the book, there is a checklist at the end entitled, "30 Mistakes to Avoid in Your Query Letter".

I could seriously post it here and retitle that sucker to say, "The 30 Mistakes I Made in EVERY Query Letter I Have EVER Sent".

Now I get it.

So you're not supposed to...

-mention how your kids loved the story and that you are qualified to write because you have spent countless hours as a mother reading books in that genre? (cringe)

-make self deprecating jokes? (double cringe)

-email the agent back making casual conversation after they send you a friendly letter of rejection? (double cringe squared)

Oh man. Growing really does hurt.

I now need to deeply apologize to all the unagented children's literature authors and illustrators in the world....I have a confession to make...

I, Elizabeth Stevens Omlor, am personally responsible (well, most probably) for the closing of submissions for several popular literary agencies, due to my numerous, amateur-status queries submitted on a regular basis over the last seven months! Eeek!

Cue guttural sobs.

Deep breath. Exhalation. Sigh. Relief.

I feel much better after getting that off my chest!

Well...maybe.

So sorry.

I have nothing else for you other than the promise to do it the right way the next time.

Banana Peelin' with Ann Haywood Leal

I don't know about where you are, but where I live, the weather has been absolutely amazing. Yesterday, as I was riding my bike home from work, with the warm sun shining on my back, the cool air hitting my face, my half-filled insulated mug of coffee spilling onto the most inconvenient of places, I thought, what better a time to host a banana peelin' author who writes so beautifully, than this? 

Welcome Ann Haywood Leal!

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We all have ways to clear out the sticky literary cobwebs, and one of the ways that I “up” the sanity meter in my writing life, is by running.

I’m not trying to give anyone the impression that I’m some fabulous fitness goddess or anything.  In fact, I am so slow, passersby have told me to have a good “walk”.  But I’m sprinting, I want to tell them. 

I ran the New York Marathon one year in a torrential downpour.  It took over five hours, and I’m sure the elite runners had already showered, packed, and flown home to a faraway country by the time I finished.  Race volunteers passed out orange wedges and bananas along the route, and I was so slow, the wet ground was completely saturated with orange and banana peels (great segue, huh?!) from the runners before me.  I was slipping and sliding all over the place.

So I’m using this sad little metaphor to illustrate the fact that there really is no right way, and part of the fun of the process is in the slipping and the muddling.  At least it gives you something to laugh and cringe about later on with your friends, right?

I went to my first SCBWI conference way back when my youngest was still in a stroller.  It was at P.S. Number-Something-or-Other on the Upper West Side, and I schlepped the entire family along.  They went in search of hot chocolate and to play in the park, and I unwittingly went inside to make a fool of myself.

I’m pretty sure that the SCBWI office has a poster in their back room with my face on it.  It’s of the What Not to Do variety. 

I had my manuscript in tow, which I fully planned to hand deliver to some poor, unsuspecting editor or agent.  I actually approached an agent with my rambling, unintelligible story pitch.  She was gracious as she searched out an opening in the crowd and got away from me as quickly as possible.  The only thing that makes me feel a little better now, is that I remember her as being elderly, meaning she may no longer be with us, or she’s deep in the throes of dementia and has no recollection of me.  Or she’s in the old folks home, still doing imitations of me for her friends.

But the embarrassment didn’t end there.  Ahead of time, I had submitted a query letter for a panel.  I was thrilled when mine was chosen!  …Until I realized they were using it as an example of What Not to Do.  I had even included a bit about how my kids had liked my manuscript, so I knew that other kids would like it, too.  The crowd was roaring by the time they finished reading it. 

So here’s the good that came out of all of it.  First and fortunately, I hadn’t put my name on that sample query letter!  Second, I didn’t let all of the banana peels give me a concussion.  I joined SCBWI and learned how to write a good query letter. I kept going to conferences and became an SCBWI sponge.  I’m still slipping on the peels, but I’ve learned to look for the dry pavement in between!

--Ann Haywood Leal     

 

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Ann Haywood Leal comes from a long line of musicians, artists, and teachers.  Since she’s never been able to carry a tune, she was always given plenty of writing supplies and allowed to use the sharp scissors.  Eventually, she put those writing supplies to good use and wrote her middle-grade novels, ALSO KNOWN AS HARPER and A FINDERS-KEEPERS PLACE. 

Originally from the Pacific Northwest, Ann now lives, writes and teaches elementary school in southeastern Connecticut.

           

ALSO KNOWN AS HARPER was chosen by the Chicago Public Library for their Best of the Best List of 2009-2010 and was an ABC Good Morning America Summer Reading Choice for 2009.  It is currently on the Arkansas Charlie May Simon Master List, the Iowa Children’s Choice Award Master List, and the South Carolina Book Award Master List.  

Thank you SO much Annie for sharing your banana peel experiences. I am so glad to hear you have not suffered a concussion as a result of those slips.  Thank you for the SCBWI sponge analogy and for the tip to not mark anything submitted for What Not To Do workshops with our names! =) I am so incredibly grateful for your contribution to this series! Thanks again.