Most
good stories involve some form of humiliation, promiscuity, or self-loathing. My
Banana Peelin’ story meets all three criteria. And now that I’ve used the word
“promiscuity” you have no choice but to read on.
Many years ago when I was newly published, I attended an
industry party hosted by my agent. The
room was full of famous authors, artists, and prominent editors. I was absolutely star-struck. I alternated
between feeling like Cinderella at the ball and feeling like an imposter who
was about to be asked to leave the premises at any moment.
At one point during the evening, I found myself standing
next to one of my new editors. I will call her The Dragon Lady because she scared
me. She was confident, cool, and sophisticated. In other words, she was everything
I was not back in 2003. I introduced myself to The Dragon Lady. She was polite,
but unaffected. We made small talk about the party. The longer I was around
her, the more nervous I became. She casually asked, “So what other projects are
you working on?” I knew she really
didn’t care what my answer was, but I wanted to impress her. I wanted her to
like me! And that’s when I developed a
violent case of verbal diarrhea.
My
performance was very much like the infamous scene in Bridesmaids, only the cringe-worthy explosions were coming out of
my mouth. Maybe it was the glass of
wine. Maybe it was the fact that the room was hotter than a sweat lodge. Or just
maybe it was 20 years of crippling insecurity and self-doubt purging its ugly
self all over this icy woman who had already made up her mind she didn’t like
me. Whatever the cause, I proceeded to tell her about every book deal I had
with her publishing competitors. In hindsight, I realize now this is a bit like
telling your boyfriend about all of the other cute guys you’re sleeping
with.
When my full-disclosure filibuster finally came to an end,
Dragon Lady quickly excused herself, and I was left standing there with a glass
of wine and a bucket of self-loathing.
I’d like to tell you the humiliation stopped there, but like any great horror
film, just when you think it’s over - it’s not.
The next day, I attended Dragon Lady’s session at a
conference. The room was packed with nearly 800 writers and illustrators. Once
again, Dragon lady was confident, cool, and sophisticated. After extolling a
few industry niceties, she proceeded to discuss the pitfalls and perils of
publishing promiscuity. I began to blush, and sweat, and shrivel in my seat.
“There’s
a real danger in new authors spreading themselves too thin!” she spat. At that
point, I fully expected a large spot light to begin scanning the audience
before finally landing on me. Groan. I just wanted to disappear.
Surprise, surprise.
I never did sign another book deal with Dragon Lady. But I did learn a
very valuable lesson from that experience. Two actually.
The first: SHUT UP. The “less is more” golden rule that
applies to picture books also applies to social sharing. Remember that, people! It’s important.
The second: SO
WHAT? We all make blunders, look foolish, and say the wrong thing at the wrong
time. So what? Let’s not take ourselves so seriously. Forgive yourself. Laugh
at yourself. And when you slip and fall on that banana peel, say “Thank you!” Those
awkward moments usually provide the best material for your stories.
