Banana Peelin' with Tara Lazar

Happy Banana Peel Thursday! Wait a minute...it's still Wednesday! But I am having issues with Blogger. So Thursday it is. (It's Thursday somewhere, right?) If you missed Wednesday's post, it's down there, past this one.  It's me blabbing about Povember. And if you are asking, "What the heck is Povember?", well, you just need to scroll down to check it out!

Today's post is from the archives, from way back when, in... January.
But first, a WINNER! The winner of Janee Trasler's masterpiece, Caveman: A B.C. Story, is...

                                                              ROMELLE BROAS

You go Romelle! (Which really means, you go and send me your address right away so I can forward it to Janee! Yay!)

And now, let us revisit the post where the brain behind PiBoIdMo shared some of her most humbling experiences while writing for children! 

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Do I even need to introduce today's guest author? If you are involved in the online, children's writing community or perhaps have needed a 3AM boogeyman assassin, I highly doubt it.

Ladies and gents of  BaPeTh (AKA Banana Peel Thursdays)...may I present to you, the slips of PiBoIdMo's own Tara Lazar!

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Banana peels? I've got a bunch.

Some of you know that my debut picture book, THE MONSTORE, will be out with the Aladdin imprint of Simon & Schuster in 2013. Well, about six months before I signed the deal, I brought the manuscript to a conference to have a picture book consultant give me a critique. She read the story and then slowly, silently pushed it back across the table. Uh-oh. She called it "a practice manuscript" and recommended that I put it aside to work on something else--it was unsellable as-is. While I was extremely disappointed, after talking to this consultant for the next half-hour, I realized she was not the humorous-quirky type of picture book editor. She liked sweet and sentimental. Our styles didn't connect. I ignored her assessment and it's a good thing I did. So I call this slipping on a peel but landing on a bean bag chair. Remember that this industry is very subjective. Believe in your work.

I once began talking to an editor by telling him the name of his favorite book (I had researched him online). No hello, no pleasantries, just BOOK TITLE right in his face. Talk about stalkerish! No wonder he didn't talk to me for the rest of the conference.

I also made a total fool of myself while talking to an agent at another conference. I asked her a question and she leaned in, interested to engage in conversation, but her answer was terse. I had no follow-up question! My mind blanked. We stared at each other for an awkward moment. End of conversation.

I was convinced that the first thing I ever wrote would be published by the first editor who read it. I couldn't believe it when rejections piled up (and then toppled over). But I sent out a 1200-word manuscript about a homeless man with no child protagonist. DUH. Submitting too early happens to everyone. I just didn't think it would happen to ME. Wrong-o again.

I also submitted a middle grade novel to a first page session---and the attending agent requested the manuscript! I was so excited! But at the time, the manuscript wasn't done. It wasn't even near done. In fact, I was just two chapters into it. I missed out on a great opportunity by submitting something unfinished. At the time, I didn't know an agent won't work with you until something is completed, polished and ready-to-sell. Now I keep early work to myself.

And one of my biggest banana peels? Keeping my agent waiting for an answer. Ammi-Joan Paquette offered me representation in a phone call and I was excited, but I still had submissions out with four other agents. I knew to inform those agents, but I didn't know to give them a deadline to respond. So poor Joan is waiting for me, and poor me is waiting to hear from the other agents. Joan even sent me a message saying that she wanted me to be as enthusiastic about working with her as she was about working with me--and I was!!!!--but I didn't realize she was biting her nails waiting on me. ME?! You really want ME?! So I think I almost lost Joan due to my ignorance of how to deal with these things. And that would have been a tremendous FAIL because she is the BEST AGENT IN THE WORLD (for me).

I am sure there will be more banana peels. After all, my first book isn't even out yet! I haven't ventured into the world of book signings, school visits, appearances and the like. There is always some new mistake to make. But banana peels are great because you always learn from them. And if you're lucky, slipping on one means that someone nearby baked banana bread and you can nom on a slice.

Tara Lazar is a children’s book author, mother, foodie and boogeyman assassin (currently booked at 3am nightly).

Her first two picture books, The Monstore and I Thought This Was a Bear Book, will be published by Aladdin/Simon & Schuster in 2013 and 2014, respectively. Tara is represented by Ammi-Joan Paquette of the Erin Murphy Literary Agency.

Her last name rhymes with “bazaar”. She’s not Tara Laser-beam (although that would be awesome).

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Keeping early work to myself? Shnikies! I wish I had that advice a few months ago! WOOPS!


Thank you so much Tara for taking the time participate in this week's BPT.  I am so eternally grateful to have had you as a guest. You are wonderful. I know I am much wiser having read this as I am sure many other readers are. =)  I wish you the best of luck in any future banana peels you may encounter.

Banana Peelin' with Tiffany Strelitz Haber

It’s almost Halloween and I know what you must be thinking. She’s had a robot, a vampire , a zombie, but NO flippin’ monsterly  peeps on the blog this month!  Wud up with that? Well, thankfully the wonderful and kind Tiffany Strelitz Haber couldn’t let that happen. The author of  The Monster Who Lost His Mean, (a book just written up in The New York Times Book Review), brings us a story that I am pretty sure most of us can identify with…

 Embarrassment bites the big one.  I’m actually embarrassed to even TELL this marginally absurd story of massive overreaction (by more than just one participant).  But alas…here goes….

 This particular Banana Peel Moment took place just as I started to pursue a career in children’s books. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I was stalking, er…checking out websites of publishing companies that seemed to have an affinity for rhyme.  I quickly discovered an editor I will now refer to as “Dragon of Death”.  Just Kidding.  I’ll call him, “Richard”.

Anyway, so there was an email address for “Richard” and I used it to send some samples of my writing and inquire about his submission policy.  (It was a small press that primarily published humorous poetry collections).  At the time I was writing tons of that stuff.

A couple of days later, I received an email back saying that not only did he love my work, but he had gone onto my website and learned more about me.  I DIED.   This was clearly my big chance to get my foot in the door of children’s book publishing and then pry it open and run through!  We go back and forth via email a couple times.  He’s super duper friendly, asking me all sorts of questions and being really complimentary and it was awesome.  He asks if I’ve written anything longer.  I say yes.  He asks to see it.  I say YES, and send it immediately. 

 And then I wait.  And I wait for what feels like a completely impossible amount of time.  Like my whole world has been sucked inside some sort of sci fi black hole of frozen silence hell and all I can hear in my head is TICK.  TOCK.  TICK.  TOCK.  I mean, we had been emailing back and forth for like 30 minutes.  Why would he suddenly go completely silent the moment I sent my story??  Something was wrong.  He must not have gotten it.  He’s just sitting there waiting for it, right?  And I’m sitting there waiting for him while he’s waiting for me and…oh lord, this can’t be good.  I need to send it again.

And so I did.  I sent it again with an adorable note saying I wasn’t sure that it had gone through, and just in case, this was my second attempt and if he could just let me know that he had in fact received it, that would be super duper fab.  And then came the silence.  Again with the silence!  Couldn’t he just say “thanks, got it!” and call it a day?  He must not have gotten it.  It must be something with the attachment.  It wasn’t going through and I was going mad and everything that had been going so well was now unraveling like a thrift store sweater.   But instead of walking away from the computer like a normal, sane, woman (maybe the man got up to pee!  Or do something that takes a bit longer than pee!)….I felt I needed to email again.  And so I did.  Just the one last time because I was absolutely certain that the attachment hadn’t gone through and that one last time couldn’t hurt and then I would close my computer and call it a day.  And then he wrote back. 

I don’t remember the subject line.   I do remember feeling a little sick inside when I read it though. 

I opened the email.

PLEASE STOP EMAILING ME INCESSANTLY!!  I RECEIVED YOUR STORY, AND QUITE FRANKLY EVERYTIME I OPEN AN EMAIL FROM YOU MY ENTIRE COMPUTER SHUTS DOWN AND RESTARTS.  THIS IS DESTROYING MY DAY.  PLEASE STOP WRITING TO ME!! THANKS. 

Yes…it’s harsh.  It’s completely unprofessional, and it is perhaps- borderline mentally insane.  And maybe so am I.  But it crushed me.   I truly believed, in that moment, that I demolished any chance I would ever have of getting anywhere in this business.  He would tell everyone to avoid me like the plague. I was the email of death and I would be black listed across all 50 states and probably Canada as well.

EPILOGUE

And now I look back….and it’s hilarious. Yup!  Like scream laugh, pee in your pants, fall on the floor funny!  (I’ve now referenced “pee” three times in this story and that’s weird)  But maybe that’s the thing about Banana Peels.  You slip and you fall and it hurts.  But when you look back, it’s all just pretty freaking ridiculous.  And also…maybe…you learn something.

Banana Peelin' with Kelly DiPucchio

 I'm in love. But you see, it's quite complicated. We are what you might say...star-crossed.  Here is a picture of me and my beau.

Okay, okay. I know what you're thinking. Isn't this that guy Mortimer? And isn't he with that one gal, Mildred?

Fine!  You caught me. Our love is NOT star-crossed, but unrequited. That's what I get for loving a zombie!

You can only imagine my delight when Mortimer's creator, the literary brains behind one of my favorite picture books, Zombie in Love, agreed to come on the blog to discuss one of her not-so-shining moments in her career as a children's author. Please welcome the talented Kelly DiPucchio!

Most good stories involve some form of humiliation, promiscuity, or self-loathing. My Banana Peelin’ story meets all three criteria. And now that I’ve used the word “promiscuity” you have no choice but to read on.

            Many years ago when I was newly published, I attended an industry party hosted by my agent.  The room was full of famous authors, artists, and prominent editors.  I was absolutely star-struck. I alternated between feeling like Cinderella at the ball and feeling like an imposter who was about to be asked to leave the premises at any moment.

            At one point during the evening, I found myself standing next to one of my new editors. I will call her The Dragon Lady because she scared me. She was confident, cool, and sophisticated. In other words, she was everything I was not back in 2003. I introduced myself to The Dragon Lady. She was polite, but unaffected. We made small talk about the party. The longer I was around her, the more nervous I became. She casually asked, “So what other projects are you working on?”  I knew she really didn’t care what my answer was, but I wanted to impress her. I wanted her to like me!  And that’s when I developed a violent case of verbal diarrhea. 

My performance was very much like the infamous scene in Bridesmaids, only the cringe-worthy explosions were coming out of my mouth.  Maybe it was the glass of wine. Maybe it was the fact that the room was hotter than a sweat lodge. Or just maybe it was 20 years of crippling insecurity and self-doubt purging its ugly self all over this icy woman who had already made up her mind she didn’t like me. Whatever the cause, I proceeded to tell her about every book deal I had with her publishing competitors. In hindsight, I realize now this is a bit like telling your boyfriend about all of the other cute guys you’re sleeping with. 

            When my full-disclosure filibuster finally came to an end, Dragon Lady quickly excused herself, and I was left standing there with a glass of wine and a bucket of self-loathing.  I’d like to tell you the humiliation stopped there, but like any great horror film, just when you think it’s over - it’s not.

            The next day, I attended Dragon Lady’s session at a conference. The room was packed with nearly 800 writers and illustrators. Once again, Dragon lady was confident, cool, and sophisticated. After extolling a few industry niceties, she proceeded to discuss the pitfalls and perils of publishing promiscuity. I began to blush, and sweat, and shrivel in my seat.

“There’s a real danger in new authors spreading themselves too thin!” she spat. At that point, I fully expected a large spot light to begin scanning the audience before finally landing on me. Groan. I just wanted to disappear.

            Surprise, surprise.  I never did sign another book deal with Dragon Lady. But I did learn a very valuable lesson from that experience. Two actually.

            The first: SHUT UP. The “less is more” golden rule that applies to picture books also applies to social sharing.  Remember that, people! It’s important.

            The second:  SO WHAT? We all make blunders, look foolish, and say the wrong thing at the wrong time. So what? Let’s not take ourselves so seriously. Forgive yourself. Laugh at yourself. And when you slip and fall on that banana peel, say “Thank you!” Those awkward moments usually provide the best material for your stories.